Twenty-four hours until I am en route to Berlin, and I haven’t packed a thing.
As I look over at my empty suitcase, I realize that I did the same thing three days ago when I was moving out of Milton Daniel. My car was empty the morning of my departure from Milton and freshman year. I was in such denial that I was leaving the place I called home, my comfort zone, and many of my best friends. So, I just decided that I wouldn’t pack until I absolutely had to, which became the morning that I was leaving.
This is a different kind of empty suitcase. This comes from procrastination, and a jam-packed three days back in Fayetteville. The busyness that I created for myself didn’t allow for any reflection time, so the timing of this post was perfect in allowing for reflection of the past year as well as expectation for the weeks ahead.
The moments I have been dreaming of for the past few months are almost here, and that both excites me and terrifies me. It terrifies me because I don’t want them to end. They haven’t even started yet, but moments become memories way too fast. I’m afraid of how fast this time will go by, and I’m already not wanting it to be over even though it hasn’t begun yet. I’m afraid of the goodbyes, because leaving TCU was very difficult for me. However, I am jumping WAY ahead of myself and feel that it might be irrational to already be afraid of the experience’s end.
I have two goals for myself: live in the moment and keep my eyes open. Living in the moment will help solve my fear of the moments slipping by far too quickly. Moments make us; some are fleeting, and temporary while others leave a mark on us, going with us for the rest of our lives and changing us in a way. I know there will be moments on CR that will be temporary, but I am hoping for many that will leave a mark on me forever, and I am excited to live in each one as it comes, making the most of them.
I also want to keep my eyes open. Literally, and figuratively (because, for anyone who knows me well, I LOVE and need sleep). Literally speaking, I want to say yes to late night adventures and early morning sunrises, and I want to be present in each conversation throughout the day. Figuratively, I want to keep open eyes and an open heart to the world, casting out any preconceived ideas about a place or person and letting myself learn. I want to be amazed by the world, and take everything in.
Now that I think about it, I should probably pack. Fingers crossed for under 50 pounds and magically acquiring some arm muscles overnight! See you in 24, CR10!