I really wish I weren’t writing this blog, because writing this blog means that CR is over. I realize that’s an absurd statement; CR has been over for nearly 6 months. Refusing to write a blog isn’t going to mean I’m suddenly back in Europe.
I know that. I think.
Being back at TCU after CR is much different than I expected. When we attended the meetings leading up to CR, everyone told me that these were going to be my best friends and my life was going to change. I generally nodded enthusiastically while looking around the room and remaining doubtful. I barely knew these people, there was no way all of them were going to be my best friends. Sure, some of them would be, but some of them I’d probably never talk to again. CR would be an experience, but it wouldn’t change me as a person.
I don’t like to admit when I’m wrong about things, but yikes. I missed the mark there.
The 15 strangers I toured Europe with are all, unequivocally, my best friends. My day is automatically better when I see any of them around campus. They taught me to be myself, to love myself, to express myself. I can’t imagine not knowing any one of them, because it would be like not knowing myself.
CR gifted me with so many things, and for that I owe it so much.
A year ago, I was terrified of discomfort. Any time there was an uncomfortable situation, I blamed myself. But I’m no longer afraid of telling others how I feel. CR validated my emotions in a way that made it okay for me to be vulnerable. The discomfort I feel in many situations has all but vanished, and I feel okay opening up. I can thank CR and our deep, sometimes weird conversations for that.
A year ago, I didn’t know how to manage my time. (Ask Dr. P how long it took me to respond to his emails). I did everything at the last minute. I didn’t handle stress well, so I pretended it didn’t exist. But I no longer procrastinate until the very last minute (I realize I’m saying this after I procrastinated my blog, but I have the flu, give me a break). I don’t quite understand why, but I actually know how to manage my time now. It probably has something to do with fitting 13 things that were miles apart into 5 hours every day in a city that didn’t speak English with complete strangers from college.
A year ago, I didn’t know the people who now mean the most to me. I now have friends that I know I can go to with anything, because we’ve seen the world together. We experienced the highs and lows of Europe, and we learned how to lean on each other. I could go to any of them with a dead body and I know they’d help me bury it.
I owe everything to my 15 best friends, because they showed me who I am. And I owe even more to Dr. P for bringing us all together.
A year ago, if you’d have told me I’d have to go all the way to Europe to learn a group of people who all lived in the same building as me (+OC), I’d have thought you were crazy. But I’m not the same person I was a year ago. None of us are.
Goodbye CR, and thanks.